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Silent Depression

April 16, 2017

I came across this old writing from a period of time I tried to forget about. It wasn’t that long ago, but today it feels like a lifetime ago.

 

Silent Depression

 

Broken into a million pieces, I still find the nerve to smile.

What is this unseen force that keeps me together?

While I find comfort in the company of others

I secretly long to be alone with my misery.

There in the nakedness of the dark, I silently scream.

Am I crazy?

Why can’t I sleep?

Why do I cry whenever no one is looking?

Why am I beginning to find refuge in my pain?

Why has the midnight hour now invaded my day?

Choking on my own despair, I find comfort in my own company.

I no longer seek the council of others.

Despair has triumphed.

Yet in the process of death, I keep living.

Despite my best efforts to drown in my own misery.

Eternally on the verge of dying, I exist among those that live.

Though I’m always counted amongst the living, I’m disconnected.

I mask my despair.

In plain view, I cry out for help without whispering a single word.

With pessimistic optimism, I hope to rid myself of the very angst I hold onto

I’m a creature of habit in desperate need for a change.

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