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Integrity That Runs Deep

December 18, 2015

I told my husband earlier today that I feel like we are two candles fighting to remain lit through the winds of a storm. Let me put it very plainly… we hate infidelity. Was that plain enough? My husband and I are “serial monogamists,” and we are darn proud of it.

Why is that? What is it about us that sets us apart in that regard? We’re normal; or, I guess I should say, we’re relatively normal. I don’t feel like there is something utterly special about us, or that we are in some way enlightened beyond the grips of infidelity.

Maybe it just boils down to us? I’m not entirely sure about that one, but it is my theory.

You know, my husband offended me earlier on in our marriage. I was so disappointed in his choice of explanation as to why he was not unfaithful. I was young and so in love! Yet when I heard him speak on this very subject, at that point in time, my ignorance made me feel almost desolate. How foolish I was!

My husband explained why he would not, ever, be unfaithful to me. According to him, he would not be unfaithful to me because his integrity would not allow him. Much to my dismay, he said it wasn’t because he loved me so much that he wouldn’t cheat on me; it was because his integrity would not allow him to.

What? Seriously? What happened to the love? Isn’t that supposed to be the motivating factor to not cheat in a relationship?

Oh my God, thank you for so much for making me grow the hell up! For taking my immature way of seeing things, and helping me to appreciate so much this man I call my husband. I had to realize what a deep statement of straight up and pure love that was. In the years that have passed since his statement, my love has deepened in a way I never thought possible.

Think about this for a minute… What do cheating spouses usually say after they’ve been caught?

“I love you so much, that didn’t mean anything”

“I don’t know what I was thinking… I love you so much it hurts”

“I felt like I was challenged, and I had to prove myself, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you”

“You changed”

“I don’t feel satisfied anymore”

“You used to take better care of yourself”

“You don’t have time for me anymore”

And on, and on, and on, and on goes the list of excuses! I could keep on going, but there’s no point. I’m sure you’ve also heard all that mess before.

As I matured over the years in my marriage to my husband, I’ve come to truly understand  what he said… How many people cheat on their spouse while still claiming to love them? Yet my husband’s statement was… I don’t cheat, not because I love my wife so much, but because of personal integrity.

My younger self was so foolish to take offense to that! Throughout our marriage, I’ve learned to listen to his message, and it makes my heart sing. I learned to appreciate his stance on infidelity because it was also my own; I just didn’t quite know how to put it so simply and eloquently as he did.

I don’t cheat, not because of love, but because of personal integrity.

So, is that the key thing that’s missing from society today? Personal integrity? And not just your average fleeting declaration of integrity. I’m talking about the integrity that runs deep in your heart. Immovable. Unfailing. Constant. Steady. Proven worthy. Tested through fire. Claiming success effortlessly with every test life presented. That’s the kind of integrity that I’m talking about.

My husband is not perfect, nor am I, but we will not ever cheat on each other. It won’t be because we love each other so deeply, (which we do). It will be because we both have the kind of integrity that runs deep in our hearts. The kind of integrity that keeps our hearts guarded to this world, yet completely open and vulnerable to each other. The kind of integrity that creates an amazing safety-net for our hearts… offering a place of peace, a place of quiet, and a place of rest within each other’s hearts.

~The wife

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From → The Wife's Side

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